I’ll get to the point right away – on August 20 we lost our appeal hearing over Grand Canyon Eco Retreat’s right to exist. In the linked post I had written that it was already over, but after receiving so much supportive outcry from our loving community, after local media reached out to cover the story, and local friends involved in government told us to keep trying, we decided to appeal the county’s initial decision.

So, another three months of hard lobbying began. Thank you 1000x to all of you reading this who sent in letters of support, who encouraged us, who reached out to let us know how much Grand Canyon Eco Retreat impacted your life. Your words, encouragement, and love will never be forgotten. The purpose of this post is to let you know how everything went down.

We paid nearly $600 to file the appeal and got into talks with the Planning & Zoning people right away. Fire danger was a big area of concern in our initial hearing, so we let Planning & Zoning know that fire pits were in no way vital to our business and asked if we could remove the fire pits from our proposal and just be a camping area without campfires. They were adamant that NO, we were not allowed to change our initial permit application in any way. All we could do was submit a new “Appeal Narrative” detailing why we thought we deserved a second chance. We also tried to find a lawyer to represent us and because of time constraints or conflicts of interest we were unable to find anyone.

Still, things were looking up. The appeal was to be in front of the Board of Supervisors of our county, a new, higher-up set of decision-makers. So many of you sent in letters of support to the Supervisors that they definitely noticed and became interested in our case. I was able to work with a former city councilwoman to perfect our Appeal Narrative with the strongest arguments and most professional “legal-ese” language. It felt like the public was on our side.

As the universe would have it, our appeal hearing was scheduled for only a few days after we returned from a 16-day Grand Canyon river trip with no service the entire time. We saw this as a huge nudge to let it go, take a break from the stress, and just prepare as much as possible for the meeting before the river trip. Auto-responders were set up and we knew we were ready when we departed for what was an incredibly epic and peaceful trip (I should write another post about it sometime). And, the fact that we were only able to go on the river trip because of having GCER closed to guests all year was not lost on us. Unexpected challenges can often lead to unexpected opportunities.

Floating through a calm section of the Colorado River inside the Grand Canyon

On the river we were able to disconnect from technology and stress, meditate daily, hike to incredible waterfalls and archeological sites, and relax with new and old friends. We knew we were in the right place, doing the right thing, and felt aligned. “What’s meant to be will be,” we told ourselves, although underneath the surface of that statement feelings of optimism about getting our business back were blooming.

Then we got home and checked our email. Our original application (which we were instructed NOT to change) included a letter of approval from our local volunteer fire chief. He stated that we needed to widen our driveway and gravel our trails and then we would be all good to get the permit from his perspective. We agreed and planned to make these infrastructure improvements after getting fully approved for the permit. However, on August 8, 12 days before our appeal hearing, Planning & Zoning pulled the metaphorical rug out from under us with this note.

For anyone interested in getting more outraged, we have pages of email receipts proving no valid reason or clarity on what prompted this sudden change. We don’t believe that a busy fire chief went out of his way to revisit our case one year later and change his opinion. Our gate was locked the whole time we were gone so there is no way he could have re-visited the property to re-asses and change his opinion. Our only guess is that a neighbor opposed to our permit, or someone from Planning & Zoning themselves reached out to the fire chief and asked him to change his stance, thereby completely invalidating our application and ruining any chance we had at permit approval.

Obviously unfair, corrupt, biased, rigged against small businesses, etc….these words barely begin to describe how this process now felt to us. We had begun to appeal just to do everything in our power and cover our bases, yet our hope had grown as the months went by and letters of support rolled in. We can only speculate here, but we believe that someone in the county government intervened AGAINST us because our appeal application was very strong, the reasons for the initial denial were very weak, and we were attracting a lot of attention to this issue.

There was no getting an extension or refund for the appeal hearing (we tried) even with this sudden lack of fire service. So, this time, we knew going in that we had no hope. Based on my gut instinct and advice from knowledgeable friends, I decided to lay it all out there and tell the whole truth to the Board of Supervisors. It was literally our last and only option. In the first meeting we held back, spoke little, and assumed things would go alright. This time we did the opposite. We both spoke at length, and we spoke the TRUTH about our experience. Knowing that this might be the one and only time in life I was called up to give a speech to government officials, community members, and watchers on Zoom, I just decided to do it in authentic Carrie style. I knew we were going to lose, so I had nothing left to lose.

“County Commissioners and observers, thank you for allowing me this time to speak about our experience as a small business in this county. This may be a little unconventional, but bear with me….I’d like to invite everyone present or on Zoom to take a moment to take a DEEP BREATH. (Pause and deep breaths and smiles throughout the room). I’d like us all to remember that we all have more in common than we realize. We all want the best for ourselves and our county. We’re all humans and I still believe that we can resolve this with humanity and humility…”

I’ll spare you the rest of my speech, and just get to the point. Suffice to say I detailed our businesses, our mission to spread recovery, yoga, and love of nature, and gave a detailed overview of all the hypocrisy we had been through while seeking this Commercial Use Permit. A friend who attends these meetings regularly for work texted me afterwards, “That was probably the most impressive and effective presentation I’ve seen in 34 years in this room.” That meant a lot to me, just knowing that I had given it my best.

The questions and comments about our permit stretched the meeting out from 6pm until 11pm. Several Supervisors and public commenters seemed swayed by our presentation and sympathetic about the runaround of constantly moving goalposts we had been through. And still, it wasn’t enough. Several angry neighbors ranted against us. Nobody asked any clarifying questions to hold the fire chief or Planning & Zoning people accountable as to why the fire service had changed from approved to denied. The entire board voted to DENY our permit, citing lack of fire service as the number one reason. We were not surprised and mostly just relieved it was over.

After the meeting, a couple Supervisors spoke to us privately with platitudes such as, “Don’t give up!” and “We wish we could have approved this; keep trying.” They offered no practical paths forward as to HOW to keep trying, and no acknowledgement of the fact that after $2000+ spent on the permit process, plus over 1 year of lost income from the property being shut down, we have no means or fight left in us. I’m sure they want their votes and try to please everyone.

-Brianna Wiest

The path forward….

The next day, we left for Burning Man. No time to wallow or sigh. Despite being in the shop for 2+ months this summer, our van was still on the fritz, and the drive there was stressful with occasional stalls in the middle of the interstate. Ugh. When it rains it pours, truly. Looking at our Vedic astrology charts and understanding that we are both in the Sade Sati phase right now makes a lot of sense. We’ve experiencing a lot of delays, a lot of uncertainty, and a lot of doubt. What I thought was such a sure thing to focus our energies and livelihoods around is gone. We were certainly too attached, and the universe is forcing us to let go. On good days I believe that the next, better, more prosperous thing will reveal itself. On fearful days I fear that at 37 I already experienced the most success, love, and abundance I will know in this life, and am paralyzed by doubt and indecision about the future. For the first time in many years, Zach and I have slightly differing desires for the future, which is scary as well.

All I can do is try to learn the lessons and see the clarity through this entrepreneurial mess. Feel the grief and anger. Detach with gratitude. Slow down instead of frantically grasping for work and money. Get back to my practice. Trust. I’m going on a solo trip to Kauai in November, and possibly to a 10-day Vipasana as well. I do know I deeply need a self-retreat, a chance to remember who I am without obligations, e-mails, or credit card bills. It is time to really practice what I preach so often.

This past weekend’s retreat in New Hampshire re-affirmed for me that guiding recovery-oriented yoga and nature adventures IS my purpose, my dharma. It lights my soul up like nothing else does. I’m grateful we have been able to get through all of this without reaching for booze. I’m ready to let go of some of my other, less-than-healthy crutches as well. Mostly, I’m sad but glad that the long and draining fight is over. Someday, somehow, more meaning behind it all will make sense. I’m still in awe of what we were able to create over the last six years thanks to both Bigger Life Adventures and Grand Canyon Eco Retreat. But mostly thanks to YOU, dear reader. If you’ve made it this far, we appreciate your caring, attention, and support so much.

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”
-Henry David Thoreau

-Carrie